still sinking..
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I forget. I forget the unpleasant things that happen to me and that is exactly what I did after she was gone. I didn't forget her, but I forget the fact that she is gone. I forget that she'll never come back and that I'll never see her again. It's how I get by. It maybe unhealthy. It maybe cowardly. It definitely ain't easy. When I get reminded of the things I try to forget, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Unfortunately, that is exactly what has been happening lately.
First off her death anniversary was just 2 weeks ago so I was practically forced to remember that she's dead. I had to go to the temple that day and the priest conducted a ritual for her to rest in peace. That reminded me. I had to forget again and I did. Almost.
Then S had to rake it all up again. Before I could forget about it again, I ran into people I never ever wanted to see.
I was returning home from SPCA today when that cunt had to take the same bus as me. I am not one to hold grudges but I will never forgive her for the way she acted during the funeral. I will never forget how she asked if I was happy now, barely five minutes after her heart stopped beating. I will never forget the way she used to take advantage of my mother without a nanogram of gratitude. As if that wasn't enough, I ran into the yet-to-be-identified-bloody-bitch as I was walking home. This woman, whom I've never seen before in my goddamn life came looking for me at my mother's funeral to tell me that I was the cause of her death and that I will pay for it. I was 16 at that time and her words had just etched onto my brain somewhere and I can't get rid of them.
I hate that I'm feeling this way. I hate that I let them get to me. I hate that I thought I was stronger than this. I need to forget, but it is harder than ever now.
Fuck.
Revethi
