still sinking..
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I forget. I forget the unpleasant things that happen to me and that is exactly what I did after she was gone. I didn't forget her, but I forget the fact that she is gone. I forget that she'll never come back and that I'll never see her again. It's how I get by. It maybe unhealthy. It maybe cowardly. It definitely ain't easy. When I get reminded of the things I try to forget, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Unfortunately, that is exactly what has been happening lately.
First off her death anniversary was just 2 weeks ago so I was practically forced to remember that she's dead. I had to go to the temple that day and the priest conducted a ritual for her to rest in peace. That reminded me. I had to forget again and I did. Almost.
Then S had to rake it all up again. Before I could forget about it again, I ran into people I never ever wanted to see.
I was returning home from SPCA today when that cunt had to take the same bus as me. I am not one to hold grudges but I will never forgive her for the way she acted during the funeral. I will never forget how she asked if I was happy now, barely five minutes after her heart stopped beating. I will never forget the way she used to take advantage of my mother without a nanogram of gratitude. As if that wasn't enough, I ran into the yet-to-be-identified-bloody-bitch as I was walking home. This woman, whom I've never seen before in my goddamn life came looking for me at my mother's funeral to tell me that I was the cause of her death and that I will pay for it. I was 16 at that time and her words had just etched onto my brain somewhere and I can't get rid of them.
I hate that I'm feeling this way. I hate that I let them get to me. I hate that I thought I was stronger than this. I need to forget, but it is harder than ever now.
Fuck.
Revethi
the answer is no and never.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Just came back from WAD all happy and then this convo had to happen to piss me off.
S: So what does your mom do?
Rev: I don't have a mom, she passed away a few years ago.
S: Oh, so sorry!!
Rev: Don't worry about it, it was a long time ago.
S: So you are over it?
No, I'm not fucking over it! How the hell are you supposed to get over something like that? I still miss her. I wish she was here. I think about how different life would be if she was still around. It feels like someone had stabbed my chest with a fiery hot knife every time I think about the last thing I said to her. So yes, I'm not over it. I never will be. I don't think I ever have to. I don't want to. Does that answer your fucking question?
Revethi
one awesome afternoon
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I made a cake, took a cold shower and am now watching Raw, sipping tea with Stevie lying down right next to me. The afternoon couldn't get any better. :) Oh, did I mention I smell like CHOCOLATE. Love it.
Buried is out today! I haven't watched a movie in the longest time. Or should I say there haven't been much decent films that are worth watching so I'm hoping Buried won't disappoint me. Honestly speaking it probably won't because at the very least I would have watched 95 minutes of Ryan Reynolds :D I can't wait for Scott Pilgrim as well, ie Chris Evans :P Speaking of whom he looks totally yummy in the
new Gucci advertisement. Imagine my dismay when the TV version of the ad had him appear for like a second in the shadows. DISASTER.
John Morrison just came on which means I can't concentrate anymore which means bye bye for now!
Revethi
