Revethi & Ragini
All I gotta say is
I just wanna have some fun
And I'll do it until I'm done
I'm telling you
I'm just a crazy kind of girl
I'll tell it to the world
I've just begun having my fun
Inside me there's something I found
I wanna shop around
I've just begun
Don't wanna settle down
I forget. I forget the unpleasant things that happen to me and that is exactly what I did after she was gone. I didn't forget her, but I forget the fact that she is gone. I forget that she'll never come back and that I'll never see her again. It's how I get by. It maybe unhealthy. It maybe cowardly. It definitely ain't easy. When I get reminded of the things I try to forget, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Unfortunately, that is exactly what has been happening lately.
First off her death anniversary was just 2 weeks ago so I was practically forced to remember that she's dead. I had to go to the temple that day and the priest conducted a ritual for her to rest in peace. That reminded me. I had to forget again and I did. Almost.
Then S had to rake it all up again. Before I could forget about it again, I ran into people I never ever wanted to see.
I was returning home from SPCA today when that cunt had to take the same bus as me. I am not one to hold grudges but I will never forgive her for the way she acted during the funeral. I will never forget how she asked if I was happy now, barely five minutes after her heart stopped beating. I will never forget the way she used to take advantage of my mother without a nanogram of gratitude. As if that wasn't enough, I ran into the yet-to-be-identified-bloody-bitch as I was walking home. This woman, whom I've never seen before in my goddamn life came looking for me at my mother's funeral to tell me that I was the cause of her death and that I will pay for it. I was 16 at that time and her words had just etched onto my brain somewhere and I can't get rid of them.
I hate that I'm feeling this way. I hate that I let them get to me. I hate that I thought I was stronger than this. I need to forget, but it is harder than ever now.
the answer is no and never.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Just came back from WAD all happy and then this convo had to happen to piss me off.
S: So what does your mom do? Rev: I don't have a mom, she passed away a few years ago. S: Oh, so sorry!! Rev: Don't worry about it, it was a long time ago. S: So you are over it?
No, I'm not fucking over it! How the hell are you supposed to get over something like that? I still miss her. I wish she was here. I think about how different life would be if she was still around. It feels like someone had stabbed my chest with a fiery hot knife every time I think about the last thing I said to her. So yes, I'm not over it. I never will be. I don't think I ever have to. I don't want to. Does that answer your fucking question?
one awesome afternoon
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I made a cake, took a cold shower and am now watching Raw, sipping tea with Stevie lying down right next to me. The afternoon couldn't get any better. :) Oh, did I mention I smell like CHOCOLATE. Love it.
Buried is out today! I haven't watched a movie in the longest time. Or should I say there haven't been much decent films that are worth watching so I'm hoping Buried won't disappoint me. Honestly speaking it probably won't because at the very least I would have watched 95 minutes of Ryan Reynolds :D I can't wait for Scott Pilgrim as well, ie Chris Evans :P Speaking of whom he looks totally yummy in the new Gucci advertisement. Imagine my dismay when the TV version of the ad had him appear for like a second in the shadows. DISASTER.
John Morrison just came on which means I can't concentrate anymore which means bye bye for now!
Seriously.. They told me perfection doesn't exist...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I'm seriously in love with the poster. Fucking awesome. But why oh why didn't YoSeob sign it :( Pfft. Anyway what has this taught me? Impulse buys can be ohso worth it! :D Most of you probably don't have any idea of what I'm rambling BUT that's the point. I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet. The title of the post has got nth to with that though. It does however have everything to do with this-
Seriously. Fucking hell. Please feel free to watch it in full screen. I know I did ;)
Veet, meet The Bin.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So I decided to give one of the hair removal creams a try and I hated it for a couple of reasons. ONE. After a cycle of applying the cream, waiting 3 minutes and washing the cream off in a circular motion did not remove all the hair so I had patches of hair on my arm so I had to repeat the process all over again. Such a waste of time. I was waiting to wash my hair and I was paranoid about getting bald so I decided not to touch my hair until all the crema was off. TWO. IT STANK. It stank like chemical. It was the choking kinda smell. Jasmine fragrance, my ass. THREE. I'm gonna give it credit, it eventually removed all the hair on my arms but all my scars are nakedly visible now. I have scars I didn't know I had thanks to certain doggies and kitties. FOUR. I feel obliged to do it my legs now cuz I don't match. FIVE. I actually zoomed in into one of the removed hair with my naked eye and I swear I saw some of my flesh at the end of it. The suckers literally, though painlessly, rip the hair from the follicles. Not such a fan of it. SIX... Well, there's no six. I got a little carried away. Bye now.
one is all it takes.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I finally buckled down and gave her a piece of my mind. She replied pinpointing that she did not trust me enough to tell me the truth. 2 years of thinking she's one of my closest friends and this is what I get. She apaarently was testing if she could trust me. It was a like a huge slap in my face. It got me thinking if I did anything to her to make her think that and guess what, I couldn't think of anything. My close friends will know I trust people easily. I usually let my brain dominate my heart but with my close friends, the heart always conquers the brain. When she told me that crap of a story, my brain knew there and then that it was all lies. My heart on the other hand strongly believed that she wouldn't lie to me because she is one of my best friends. Eventually I got to confirm that that story was indeed a lie and I ended up feeling like a fool. She said the story was the only lie she had told me and that she was "amazed how quickly I beleved what I heard." My dear, one lie is all it takes to shatter one's trust. It might be the only lie you've told me (which I seriously doubt, tbh) but guess what, that is enough to get me thinking that everything else you've said are lies. I'm not gonna say good luck or that I hope everything in your life goes well for you. I know you did and I don't know if you even meant it. I know you believe in karma and all I have to say to you is I hope karma comes back to bite your pretty little ass.
This post was actually supposed to be a thank you post for Jolyn. She is one of the people in my life who know me better than I think they do. Reading her blog made me realise it's friends like her who actually matter. And you know what Jo, you are totally in. Once we can support ourselves, we shall buy a pretty little house and have our own little animal farm with Stevie and Alfred at the helm :D I know I'm not that good with my words but I think you know how much you mean to me and there are not enough words in the world so I'm not even going to try. Love you many many :))
You know.. Work and stuff..
Monday, July 5, 2010
Damn, I have the best friends. I'm not just saying that. I know everyone thinks they have the best of friends but hell I have THE best friends. I have the best pet as well. I know my life can suck sometimes but I would never trade it for another because I can't fucking imagine going through life without you people ♥ :)
I am kind of proud of myself today. I totally freaked when I heard Sharmila was not coming into work today. I didn't know if I could handle all the admin work and the PHONECALLS. Have I told anyone I am terrible with the phone. I get very conscious and say things without thinking. It's like my brain detaches itself from my vocal nerve cells everytime I pick up the phone. This is one of the reason why I don't do long phone calls. I don't talk to people on the phone for hours and hours. Anyway, the point is nothing went wrong today! I handled the phone calls, the appointments, the data inputs and the random stares I get from people walking by. So yes, yayy me! :D
Oh, and I have found another perk of baking - getting your boss to like you. Have I mentioned Dierdre scares me? That fear totally escalated after I started working at SPCA. Don't ask me why. She's just that type.. And I'm.. that type. BUT. She complimented me twice today about the cake I baked for Sharmila last week. That made my fear disappear a little. My heart still pounds like a pound cake whenever she walks past.
What else, what else. Well, nothing much else. I can't wait to get my first pay.. Is it totally bad to start planning how you're gonna spend youe salary even before you get it?.. Probably, but screw it. SHOES SHOES SHOES.